Sunday, August 16, 2009

The Show Must Go On

I wish I were a Broadway star. Not because I can act, sing and/or dance; I can't. I don't want instant gratification of a live audience (I have stage fright) or my name in lights. I'm not looking for fame or fortune (well, I wouldn't refuse fortune!) or a Tony. I want to be a Broadway star because I want an understudy.

Wouldn't it be great to have someone fill in for you every so often? I'm feeling like now would be a good time for that. There's not any one thing that's happening but there are a few things swirling around in my poor little head all bumping into each other and making noise. This isn't anything new for me--or anyone else--but every so often don't you feel like shouting: ENOUGH--bring in my understudy!

Maybe it's re-entry after vacation.

Maybe it's trying to figure out that whole question of "should we move?".

Maybe it's that we called our realtor to come and look at our house and tell us what we need to do IF we decide to put our house on the market--and getting the house in some sort of order for the realtor to see.

Maybe it's that I'm planning another trip to visit my mom and always feel that I don't get enough time with her no matter how long I'm there.

Maybe it's guilt for not taking Bug with me on the trip. (I really can't figure out a logical way to do this. He's too active to hang out at the nursing home without wanting to run the halls--20 minutes proved to be his max on the last visit. I think if I took him I would have to squeeze him into a daycare during a chunk of the day so I can spend more time with my mom. She's in a wheelchair so getting both of them from one spot to another seems challenging at best. Any solutions out there?)

Maybe it's that my mom is talking about my dad in the present tense and he's been dead for nearly 12 years. It's heartbreaking to remind her Dad's no longer here.

Maybe it's that Donnie has a couple of trips coming up.

Maybe it's adding one day to my work schedule.

Maybe it's that I can't go to the bathroom without Bug crying outside the door or bursting in (today I had to kiss his toe because he had a boo boo...and it's a boo boo that's been kissed many times before).

Maybe it's that I was feeling good about my running schedule until vacation hit and I can't seem to get back on track--so to speak.

Or maybe this happens every 24-28 days and after all these years of being a girl I should get used to the little hormonal swing. In any event...where's that understudy...I feel like taking a nap.


  1. I need one too!
    If you find them, can you recommend one for me also?
    I feel bad about your situation with your mom, I hope you can figure a good way out.

  2. That's what I would do too. When I take a nap and have a good rest, sometimes it doesn't look quite so overwhelming afterward.

  3. Man I need to get in on that too. If they could just come and do the deep cleaning of my house once a month that would be just awesome. Sigh...

  4. We all have those moments...days. I'm glad to hear that I am not the only one who can't go to the bathroom alone (not by choice!) and who's running is just not happening right now.

    As far as seeing your mom, do you know anyone in that area that could watch him for a bit? Or anyone that could recommend a sitter in that area? There are some good drop in daycares. If you have to, wear him out real good, withold all snacks and then feed him when you get there and turn on a movie (laptop or portable DVD player). That's my only idea.

    And as sad as it is to remind her, I hope that when I am in a nursing home, I still talk of my hubs like he is alive because maybe it would be almost like reliving when he was.

    Big hugs.

  5. Stopping by to give you a big smile and a warm welcome to the SITStahood. We are so glad you could join us and look forward to seeing you around!

  6. I'm a big fat hormonal mess myself right now. I hate all those balls in the air. The understudy idea is BRILLIANT! Sign. me. up!

  7. You deserve an understudy; that is a huge load you are carrying. I'm so sorry. I hope you will be able to visit your Mom soon.

    It really is hard to get back into the groove after a vacation. This is a really uplifting comment, not. Take care of yourself!