Friday, March 26, 2010

F-Bomb Friday

It was a million years ago when I was young, single and living in NY. This was a few months before our apartment was broken into and I came home to see my roommate sitting in a chair holding a knife waiting in case the intruders returned (ah, but that's another story).

So…my roommate, Teresa, and I had just returned from happy hour. It was about 9pm and we were in her room chatting about guys when we heard three loud pops. We looked at each other and Teresa said, “those were gunshots.” We were both a bit freaked. The neighborhood wasn’t great but we had never heard shots before.

The next day I found out there was a shooting on our corner but no details were given. That night Teresa was out and I was home alone. I heard a few loud knocks on my landlord’s door on the floor above ours followed by “Police, open up.” I heard a gruff TV cop voice questioning my landlord. Then I heard the knocks on my floor at my neighbor’s door. Same gruff voice followed when my neighbors answered.

I was panicking and my imagination was working overtime. I watched enough TV to think this might not be a cop but knew I would have to open the door (the walls were thin and it was obvious someone was in my apartment with either TV or music going). My plan was to have a lit cigarette and if, when I opened the door with the chain on, he tried to break the door down, I could burn him and run out of the apartment. (Yeah, I know, whatever, but it was my plan. Oh, and I wanted to look tough. Heh.)

BAM, BAM, BAM on my door. I froze, lit a cigarette and cracked the door open while hiding behind the safety of the chain. Sure enough, there was a gruff officer showing me his badge but instead of that scary voice I had been hearing, I heard a very friendly, “Hi, I wanted to ask if you heard anything last night” as if he was asking me to pass the potatoes at Thanksgiving dinner.

Me: Um, you mean like gunshots?
Officer: Well, yes…
Me: Yeah, we heard shots. Was anyone hurt?
Officer: No, just a girl talking on the payphone. She got hit on the arm.

Nice…just a girl.
For more visit MiMi at Living in France.


  1. happy f-bomb friday. wow - I think your cig plan is awesome. I would've been wielding a knife and got thrown in jail for threatening an officer or something.

  2. I like the cig plan....too funny. I used to live in a not great neighborhood and had to run from my car to my apartment every night. Nice huh?

  3. I personally loved your plan! Definitely more threatening than if you were to use a pillow or a spatula!

  4. Haha! I love your plan. That so sounds like something I would do. I am all about having a plan. ;)

  5. Great story. Gosh, those poor cops must get pretty jaded fast. Yeah, I'm concerned about the cop...haha. Just a girl...LOL

    A million years ago-yeah right. :)

  6. JUST a girl? Really? Hmm, maybe they used to date and she dumped him for a "bad boy" type. And he was prolly digging your "bad girl" look with the lit cig.....

    yeah, that was prolly it.

  7. Your plan was genius, btw. But JUST a girl??? *roll eyes* Classy.

  8. Now you can answer the door with wasp spray!

  9. Ahhh...cops are clinical.

  10. I love it when a plan comes together. Whoa. Gunshots. Funny to think of our pre-kids lives.

  11. nice plan. Good to know you were thinking ahead :)

  12. "No, just a girl..."
    So, officer, you must have went to the same police academy the guys in my town went to. Jerk.

  13. Ha, just a girl? Oh, that's it..just a girl, nobody really got hurt. Classy.

    I love the cigarette-as-a-weapon idea. Funny stuff. I used to have an old steak knife under the mattress on my bed that I thought was like a 44 magnum or something. In reality, it was a dull knife with a loose handle and probably would not have cut through paper, much less clothing, skin and a major artery. It made me feel a little secure though and I just imagined that I would be SCARY looking weilding a knife.